The knotty knot

What is it with people around you that think life gets suddenly, overnight complete the day you marry? What's the big deal about marriage anyway? These days, sometimes in their entirety, I contemplate what is marriage all about. Why should I do this whole ritual and what will change for me? I admit I absolutely adore weddings! I mean who doesn't? But seriously, why marriage?

I am no closer to an answer. I have asked around; those who are married, bless their marriage, and those wishing they were married, but I am still not convinced on their logic. And to further derail my inclination towards it, I have a whole bunch of people asking me about it. It's not an age related landmark like puberty! But, sigh, they believe it is. And none is the wiser about why marriage.

There are certain givens about marriages. It draws on a curtain on human promiscuity and ensures children know their parentage for sure. It provides a degree of companionship, understanding and emotional support, though I seem to see the complete opposite in most marriages. It gives another person legal and medical rights to take decisions for you. The last one I read in some relationship column in Mint. So that's it. Hmm.

One thing became clear to me tonight about marriage, arranged marriage at least. It draws on a society's desire to protect itself and isolate and promote its culture. Any civilization that has evolved enough to have overcome the basics of food, shelter and clothing and has amassed wealth starts moving towards the whole arranged marriage concept. They do not want to "dilute the bloodlines". They want to "keep to their kind". In short, they're paranoid of losing their cultural identity into someone else's and giving away their wealth to the not-so-wealthy. That's why the business class will marry their children early and within their society. That is why the royal blue blood retains the genes that are killing them now! It's cultural paranoia!

It's clearly visible why an average, considered uncultured, American would always support a love match vis a vis an old moneyed European who a family lineage as long as the Mississippi! This is why a traditional Indian family would squirm at the thought of a cross cultural match as compared to the more disconnected "modern" American spin offs in the cities!

But at the end of the day, it is paranoia. If not then tell me why.

Saying goodbyes...

Past day and a half I've been more than cranky, highly sarcastic and in short having a major uncontrolled mood swing. No reason why. Atleast none I can point fingers at.
One big contributor to my self induced misery is me cleaning out my wardrobe to make way for the huge bunch I've gotten home from the hostel. No there isn't space in my cupboard to keep em all. Yes I've worn every single one of them atleast once. 

That's the thing. The atleast once bit. There are so many clothes in my cupboard I haven't worn more than once yet I couldn't throw. I'll slim down to fit in properly. There'll be an occassion to wear it again soon. It's winter fabric in a summer style. Just few of my reasons to never let go. These were the first to go today. I swooped'em clean. I still looked longingly as if I'd miraculously find a slimming potion and a social life to match. Bah!

The toughest were the ones I've worn so much they've worn thin! The pain in letting my favourite purple shirt go coz it now has little nail holes in it and my parents wouldn't let me wear it outside of this house. Not even in the hostel. The heartache of letting the favourite summer dress go because I was being cruel to me. I'm highly masochistic and I keep doing this to myself ever so often. The most worn pair of ill-fitting shorts because well, they're ill fitting! And so many more clothes I love. Loved.

So how did I do it? There's a pattern I recognised. These loved pieces of clothing hadn't been worn in the past two years I wasn't home. I'd gotten used to a new set of clothes that made my wardrobe in XL. So I could give these away with less pain. The thing is I'd be able to give away my XL clothes far more easily but that's coz I don't love any of them at all! Something about being a child and an adut.

It's not surprising I use this same philosophy everytime I have to say goodbye. I guess most people do. The longer you're out of sight, the easier you are to get out of mind. That's how I live. I never say goodbye. If you're meant to remain in my life, I'll meet you, call you, email you whatever. If you aren't, you wouldn't even remember me.

Agneepath: A review

Theme: Gore, Violence, Revenge

Treatment: Take a two cups of LOTR, mix in some Rambo as per taste, add three spoons of Harry Potter and sprinkle with KJo glamour.

Ok so clearly the movie didn't inspire me to sing praises. At a running time of almost 3hours, the songs are a painful addition that could've and should've been done away with.

The movie otherwise was well made, had superb cinematography and some brilliant performances!

The best was definitely Rishi Kapoor. One of his most evil roles but the emotions displayed is just marvellous. He is a doting father, a ruthless flesh trader, a shrewd drug lord and an undying old man. He speaks volumes through his kajrari eyes. Hay!

Sanjay Dutt was well menacing. And he was supposed to be. All through the movie I was only distracted by his striking similarity to Gollum!

The ladies were unnecessary. Priyanka Chopra should be adopted by Colgate. All she did in the entire movie was dance, be hyper, try and show off her cleavage and grin like an idiot. Katrina Kaif was even worse! What the hell was she thinking?! No wait, I'm sure she wasn't thinking. I was disgusted when Sheela ki Jawani hit the market and since then nothing seems to appear sleazy to me anymore. Looks like the censor board is sleeping.

Hrithik Roshan was well, ahem. LOL. The threatre I went to in Jamshedpur had men whistling and clapping at random scenes. When Hrithik took his shirt off, my girl friends and I clapped! My paisa-wasool moment. LOL. On a serious note, he's done well. His angry expressions haven't changed much from the days of "Kaho naa Pyar hai" and his dialogues were so soft it was as if he was mumbling. But otherwise,as a beef cake and an actor he was pretty impressive.

Now the classic moment of the movie: During the song "chikni chameli" Katrina Kaif lights a bidi. This scene, occuring thrice in the song, carries an english subtitle saying "Cigarette Smoking is Injurious to Health". The very next shot has Sanjay Dutt smoking up from a chillum. That's not to mention the amount of cocaine being snuffed in the entire movie. Hats off to the Censor Board of India.

My Lifelong Love....

I hereby declare my lifelong love for SHOES!

Heels, flats, pumps, peep-toes, wedges, ballets, sneakers, loafers, basketball shoes, sandals, slippers, stilettos, platforms, gladiators and Mary-Janes. I've had them all and currently have many of them. I just adore each one them and will adore the one I am yet to buy.

To put thing into perspective for me I'll borrow Mahi's statement. Just for reference Mahi was a character in a sitcom on TV. She once explained and I quote, " I love my shoes because of irrespective of how fat I become, my shoes will always fit me like a dream.". And to think all this while I thought I was the only one who thought like this!

Many people have asked me how many pair of shoes I own and each time I wonder if I really have that many. It never felt like too many to me, ever. I just clicked my 5most worn pairs at XL for perspective and there are exactly 5more sitting in the shoes rack waiting for their occasion. And these are only the ones I brought with me to the hostel. Ones at home would add some 5-6more at most. There i have some 15pairs of shoes. That's not much, is it? It barely covers enough for every type of occasion.

Looking back I think my love for collecting shoes began with having such a unique shoe size. I wear a size 42. That's big even by international standards, forget Indian. So understandably I have always had a trouble buying shoes that fit me, in designs that I like and prices I can afford. Till date everytime I go shopping I keep an eye out for a good deal in a sturdy or pretty(as my frame of mind maybe) pair of shoes. And considering my size and all, it isn't every trip that I find something I want or need.


But I still look out for them and I always have a few on my wishlist!

2011, A memoir

Another year is coming to a close. Today on Google I came across this video on the year that was and is for another 16days.



Thinking about what it did to me, I can safely say it was a year of experiences and it made a whole new dimension of me.

I finally found my feet in the b-school and made peace with my new life, interned at one of the most iconic brands of the world-Coca Cola, met a nice bunch of people there and was reassured that this was indeed what I wish to do in my life for real, traveled business class and then by unreserved in the same day to just meet my family for a day, discovered pleasure, got my first lipstick, my first Roberto Cavalli shades, adopted pets and then lost them to nature, experienced real fear while waiting outside an operation theatre and realised what it is to be strong for another.

This year has been like none other for me. Simply amazing.

My favourite moments:

Mumbai Trip, June 2011; @bandra bandstand

My 23rd, Feb 16; @jsr

My 23rd, Feb 16; @jsr

My 23rd, Feb 16; @jsr

@chandil dam

feb; @bhopal

ladies; feb; @bhopal

Layla and Raphael...my angel fish. RIP

Akshita, twisha, I, shweta, shriya; day of batch photo

Areshdeep, I, aditya, twisha

Teej@XL

scary me @maxi junior's treat; august 11

OOH advertising for MAXI Mindscapes:dimensions of sports marketing

Return to Dasam falls, diwali day, 26 oct 11

mela@jsr, oct 16, 2011

bike trip to ghatshila

Tinkerbell&I

Glutton Discovery

For a random errand, SN and I went to the market pretty late today. I had a class till 5:30 so it wasn't until 6:15 that we finally left for Sakchi. Give or take 30-40minutes that we took to find the required shop and buy the things needed, we were leaving the market from the exit closer to Tata Steel when a strong smell caught our attention. Now we being foodies immediately recognised this aroma as that of fresh roasted chicken and after nothing in sight, we gave up on what promised to be a delectable suprise.

But suprise it turned out to be! Right behind the auto stand was a thela surrounded by people and no prizes for guessing where the aroma was coming from. Couldn't stop ourselves from exploring and we actually found a decent crowd, well behaved and the shop owner treated us like premium princesses(which effectively we probably were). I still don't know if it was cheap or expensive, but sounded attractive to me and his turnover speed suggested that the food was definitely fresh and add to that, the barbeque was right there for all to see!

He picked out fresh pieces of marinated breast pieces in front of us and started to slowly let it char on the smoldering charcoals. Definitely not just another roasted chicken.

Being a Delhi dame, roasted chicken is same as tandoori chicken to me. Not anymore. This was real barbequed chicken and because of certain unavoidable circumstances, it was consumed almost 4hours after purchase and I must say this...it was still soft, juicy and delectible!

I'm so going to recommend it to anyone who had no qualms of admitting that street food can indeed be delicious and hygienic(as much as possible)!

Finally Jamshedpur is playing its magic on me!

ps: check location of this post for exact place!

Oh India!

I for one fell in love when I was very young. Given the environment at home with a very religious nani, an unquestioning devotee as mommy, a rational believer as a father and encyclopedias as companions, I fell in love with the whole world of powerful characters that some dismiss as mythology and some revere as religion. My love was fed from all quarters and all regions of the world. My mother gave me stories of my land, my books gave me stories of Greece and Rome and my dad gave me the platform to rationalise, debate and admire. Till date I love to hear new perspectives on the same characters, new insights on what possibly drove them and discovering subtle implications of all this in our lives. More so in the life of a modern open source believer-a practicing Hindu.

The Navaratras have just gone by. Durga Puja pandals are still being dismantled across the city here in Jamshedpur. Festivities have only just begun, as Diwali is less than 20days away. I couldn't go witness the grandeur of a pandal this year and I shall regret that. But to compensate it all, I went to the next best thing-a Ravan Dahan Mahotsav.

Ironic how the most pious days of any religion come in the historical period of blood shed and death. It may be the 'evil' blood being spilled, but it is blood nonetheless. Muslims have the Ramadan, Hindus have the Navaratras! Both had their God/Goddess fight evil and conquer it. Both have their holy days. But I'm digressing.

Coming back to what I was hoping to write on was that the Ravan dahan mahotsav got me thinking. It was only my second time at the event and the last time I went there it was with my parents and I was hardly 8 or 9 years old. This time I was with my classmates and the whole environment though festive did not seep in. But it was fun and it was a much needed outing. And it got me intersted in what my father had told me about the whole Ravan burning exercise. As it happens, in some part of the country, there are tribes who do not believe in celebrating this victory of good over evil and do not burn Ravan's effigies. Why? Well, because Mandodri belonged to their tribe! Interesting implications to life, no?

Today a newspaper on the newstand outside the mess caught my eye simoly because it spoke of something similar. There happens to be a tribe in the Chota Nagpur plateau region that does not believe in festivities of the Navratras but instead treats it as a period of mourning! They consider themselves decendants of Mahishasur who was the chief demon to be slayed by Devi in this nine day period and they think the mythology is unfairly skewed against them. Here's the news item: http://business-standard.com/india/news/the-demons-brood/451796/

Bollywood connection

It's was another boring day here on campus when a friend's status message popped up on Gtalk with a youtube link and a time. Scrolling down to that exact second I saw something that made me laugh and, in a weird way, proud.
What was it, you ask? The screen shot below is what got me rolling in mirth. You see, the books on the screen are our course specific readings, bound together and given to us each term by the profs. Everyone who's been at xlri at some point, has I'm sure seen these handouts. And when they make it to a random shot in a more random Akshay Kumar movie, it just goes to show there's an Xler somewhere behind that camera. And that makes me happy :)
Oh and another funny coincidence-Prof Sharad Sarin is teaching me this term! So you see, I have a super famous prof :D

XLRI course handouts feature in a bollywood movie!

Oh smart journalists!

Stumbleupon got me to this amazing photograph. Some journalists will spare no one :D I like it!

Paint me red

I'd always seen women wearing red on their nails and toes and lips etc and I used to keep wondering how they pulled it off. I was convinced I couldn't ever do it. Till a friend got me inspired and I bought myself a fire engine red nailpaint and painted my toes and fingernails a BIG BOLD RED!
Teamed with an LV tote in a similar colour, I felt invincible! If only I had bought those red peep toes my ma wanted me to buy, I'd have been walking on sunshine!
Maybe it's the imagination or maybe it's the culture...but red definitely adds a power. And it gets instant attention. My season's favourite colour just got picked.

Street finds-billboards

On my last trip to Mumbai I found a very interesting billboard..one that appealed to me as a consumer and as a wannabe marketer. Sharing it here :)

This is my town

Montgomery Gentry sang a very true blue song about his town. The place he knew he grew up in and the place he chose to settle. I can say I will never sing it for any of the places I have lived in because I have never belonged there. Big city girl trouble, eh?
One place that I will remember for bitter sweet reasons and that will define my career too is Jamshedpur. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd have the best time of my life thus far there. Or meet the best people or truly understand and appreciate what life is.
This is not to harp about me and my affair with the town, but the about the pretty side of it. The side I fall back on when I am alone. The side you see from the roof of my hostel on an August evening. The hills are part of the Dalma Range.

So, why'd I do it?

My recent classroom sessions on consumer behaviour have been, mildly put, disturbing to me. Why is that? Because for a tweenager who decided she wanted a tattoo, she's no more a normal tweenager.

It's depressing how a tattoo is still synonymous with trying too hard, being a wannabe and with someone who seeks acceptance. Not that I didn't fight these when I first thought of getting a tattoo, convincing my family and all, but somehow now it seems quite heavy a burden to carry.

So why did I do this to myself?

Was I looking for social acceptance of some sort? Absolutely not! I knew then what I am experiencing now...being a social piranha because I have a tattoo.

Was I looking for attention? Again, no. I don't go around flaunting my tattoo and hardly mention it to anyone. I anyway wear jeans and salwars most of the day, so no, no attention.

Was I looking for a special status? A wannabe? That's hard for me to answer. I would be defensive if I said any of that. That's how people judge me and something I cannot control.

Was I being rebellious? Maybe. Some part of me was fascinated, some part of me wanted to try for the novelty. And one part of me wanted it just like I want a nice dress for an occassion-vanity!

So all in all I know I haven't changed. The matrix I build for me, wherein I have my self concept, my ideal self concept, my public self and ideal public self truthfully did not change one bit from the moment I sat down at the tattoo parlour to when I got up with a tattoo on me. But somehow the eyes that followed me did.

What hurt me most is that I had remained immune to all of criticism this long but maybe I am not strong enough to face it alone afterall. I miss being home.

Married Men...lol

Yes its lust

I've often seen men "admire" random women-somehow I'm all in my Rafa mode. Some of my 'favourite' RAFA moments:

Water Burial

Three days before her 1st month completion as my pet, Layla breathed her last. Yesterday at 8:3opm, Layla was found dead in the glass bowl that she shared with Rafa.

It took me less than a minute and two knocks on her side of the glass bowl to realise I had lost my very sweet angel fish. My first reaction was to call my friend who'd helped me set up my aquarium and then inform my ex-roomie and now neighbour. Only when she too declared that Layla was dead did the first tears roll down. I had failed as a pet owner. I did not care enough maybe. I didn't see her fall sick. How long had she been dead before I stooped down to play with them? How did she die? Should I keep Raphael now that I had failed with Layla?

Then there was a practical side of me. How do I get Layla out without disturbing Rafa? How will I say my goodbye to Layla? I scampered to get a net n all but even after failed attempts to get it back, my friends sympathies, a forced dinner, informing ma and a few friends, I still wasnt strong enough to scoop out Layla myself. I made my friend do it. I just could stand it...I was tryin too hard not to break down and cry. Everyone was of the opinion that Layla needed a burial but I resisted. One reason was I didn't know where I could bury my fish without ever passing that place again and not missing her. And two, I didn't want her out of the water for some reason. Hence I insisted on a water burial.

Most thought it was cruel to flush down my fishie, but I considered it the best for her. She's anyway in fish heaven and she deserves to leave this avatar of hers in the same medium that was her world-in water.

Layla, I'll miss you. RIP.

Me myself and my door

After much deliberation on how to proclaim my room as my room...i have done this.
Do u like it?

How to: Not kill anyone when cleaning a fish bowl

Sunday morning mission: Clean my newly acquired fish bowl

Reason to do so: It's part of the ownership program :-|

My previous lessons: Theoritical. From the fish store owner to friends who've been previous fish owners, everyone gave a step wise ritual on how to do it

My self aquired lessons: Youtube. I just had to see someone else clean a fish bowl. So after watching some not so informative but very supportive videos, I decided to go ahead with it

Things I used: Scotch-brite(to clean), soft hand wash(to clean), two mugs(to transfer n keep Layla and Raphael), Medicine(for the water)

Things I did and thankfully no one saw:
I have finally understood what someone who came up with the expression "wide eyed look" meant. I got one from my fish!

I knew I would never be able to transfer my fish using a net from the bowl to a temporary bowl without feeling sick and scared. So I decided to use a mug to scoop them out and keep em. Only my fish turned out to be great actors and refused to be caught! A very scared me played hide and seek with them while they kept scooting around the bowl and I kept praying that I dont kill them. Finally a very frustrated Shivani took a deep breath, sent a prayer to the Heaven up above and dug in to catch Layla and Rafa. This is when I got my "looks". At the mouth of the mug, Rafa(the naughtier one), turned horizontal like it had died and looked at me like I was the person who did it to him. My heart broke. But I had to do this. For them and me.

The rest of the cleaning was uneventful and boring. It was more mechanical and hence easier. I will probably get faster at doing it the more I do it. All that while Layla and Rafa were quite sedate in their mugs and tryin to fool me by stopping to swim(Rafa) or coming to the edge of the mug like it's about to jump out(Layla). Finally the ordeal ended. I dumped Rafa in the antibiotic first, Layla second. Finally when I had filled the bowl with fresh water, I put more antibiotic in it and only then transfered Rafa and Layla to it. I must admit my method keeps a bit of the old dirty water in the bowl...but if that's the price for not having to hold them in a fish net out of water and possibly kill them, I'll pay.

This sunday I experienced what it is like to hold life in your hands. I also realised I was smart enough to admit 6years ago that I didn't have it in me to be a doctor. Some revelations I got today.

Raphael and Layla

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A personal achievement for me-I have taken a HUGE step of adopting pets! I have always toyed with the idea of adopting pets for myself and always wanted a dog or a bear or something, I saw an opportunity in getting myself an aquarium here in the hostel and I have taken a slightly impulsive, yet deeply considered decision.
Yesterday i became the owner of a glass bowl with two Angel fish, who I have named Raphael and Layla. The names came after much deliberation-I wanted names of Angel but I also wanted exotic names. After shortlisting names and consultation with people who's opinion matters in this regards I chose Raphael and Layla. Look at it this way, I can never name anyone's kids so exotic and anyway I get to dedicate my fish to my favourite sportsman!
I have to admit I am scared! I am not a very responsible person when it comes to me and now I have fish depending on me to clean, feed and keep them alive. Admittedly my friends are as skeptical. There are already bets in place as to how long i can pull this off :-|

I hope I can be a good pet keeper for Rafa and Layla!

And it's over!

After 9 full weeks of having fun, learning practical real-life stuff, staying up late, getting up early, being decently productive, wearing only drab formalish clothes, meeting geniuses of their fields and technically being on an internship, I have completed the moment of life called-Internship.

Saying it was an experience will be undermining the impact it has had on me and what all I have accomplished in it. Calling it just another internship will undermine the effort of the people around me who put together so much, just so people like me could come and ravish it! I will thus call it the "Summer of '11". Cheesy. hmmm.

I miss it and that's the shocking part. I utterly miss being in that place with those people. Funny I am. Or maybe sad