if i were to start with describing my mood right now, i'd write a whole post on how it cannot be explained. it is a saturday afternoon and on wednesday my brother gets married. that is an emotion i'll not write on. it's pure happiness and anticipation. lurking underneath all this, is a dark one that has literally risen from the ashes of the past. as they all said, nothing can be hidden and nothing can be undone...i as always, get to live it.
oh the joys of youth; its abandon! it's hurtful how every action that i don't weigh properly always backfires on me. i aim for spontaneity and in the thrill of impending success, fire the gun on my face. oh it's killing!
like a compulsive gambler, i try each time. and like a compulsive gambler, i lose more than what i began with. but unlike the compulsive gambler i carry a grudge. for the only time in my life thus far, i carry a deep dislike bordering on hatred and i feel it may be reciprocated. but if that's the way to settle the dust on this issue and heal the thorn in my side, so be it. i just want this negativity out of me!