I'm a Barbie girl!

barbie turns 50 today! not that i keep track of how old she gets, but today on the news they got random females to relate their relation to barbie and i decided she deserved one from me...because even though I'm trudging in my twenties, i still have all my barbies neatly stacked away with their box full of clothes and accessories! i don't remember when i got my first barbie or who gave it...but i remember my last. i gifted myself one on my 14th birthday and that too coz i couldn't resist. she was just so pretty! and partly because i felt angry at them for launching such beautiful and varied types, when all through my tender years they were almost all alike! so currently resting in the attic are 3 barbies, 1 skipper(for the uninitiated, she's Barbie's younger sister), 2 Kelly(her youngest sister) and hold your breaths...1 Ken(her boyfriend-i have the 80s one, only he's blond)!


if you ask me, Ken is my most priced possession. not coz he's a tall, handsome, blue-eyed blond male(:P), but because i know that at least in India, not many would have it. i don't know when it was launched here, i don't know exactly when it was banned(thanks to people who considered a boyfriend as a corrupting influence on 'indianness'), but i do know they happened in quick succession and somehow in the middle of all that my mother put in all her efforts to get me one. all because i said i wanted one! so of all the girls i know of around me, family school and college, I'm the only who can claim to have one!

as Aqua very rightly put it,

life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you brush my hair, undress me everywhere
IMAGINATION, THAT IS YOUR CREATION!

the last line i think best symbolises what barbie, over generations, has stood for. personally it was a way into life...how i pictured life, what i visualised my future to be, how love between humans was far more important than the lap of luxury, how i answered for myself the million questions of life! objectively they were family in some western concept, to me they were mine...i got to play fairy god mother, you see! i owe a lot to barbie. it kept me involved all day long, day after day for years. she's lived in bed sheet tents, pillow sheds, a 2 floor brick doll mansion(bhai built it all by himself for me), plastic box doll houses and even a shelf in my almirah(when i was tall enough to see in it and play comfortably too!).

she's worn clothes so impeccably stitched my me that i wonder why i didn't pursue design...ken's entire wardrobe was hand-made, since they were never available ready made. a pair of blue denims for all, a wedding lehenga, heavy sari(ma made), a two button formal suit for ken, a silk night suit and nightdress for barbie n ken resp, and as ma never fails to remind me, made from my silk kurta...apparently i thought it unfair that i should have a silk night suit, not them? that's all the wardrobe i remember working on...accessories were far easier to procure!

earrings, i remember, were promptly stuck in their head with no worries of trying to screw them on. bangles came from the metal rings around bhai's pens while shoes, slightly more permanent, were varied colour tapes! one obsession i had for my dolls were belts and bags-one for each occasion, one for every dress. now when i look at them, i wish i had those! my barbies always had a bath-twice a year! they had to scrubbed clean after a soak in warm water, their laundry was spread out to dry(our garden would resemble Lilliput for a day!) and their hair washed, conditioned(now i wonder why?) and blow dried. then I'd spend another day making their hair before setting them on the dining table in their finery for all to admire!
god! i love my barbies!

ps: the last pic is the only i could find of the barbie ken magazine! i've read a few..though not so archaic ones

winter's here!

i woke up this morning to grey overcast skies and a new fresh chilly nip in the air, and i said to myself,"winter's here to stay!". coming out of the warm cozy realm of sleep n a warmer blanket, winter definitely didn't top my list of favorite things, rather my list of depressing things! suddenly the fear of life set in...what will i do when my vacations are over? how will i ever manage to pull out of bed at seven just to make it to college on time? how will i sit in my rather obviously depressing semblance of a classroom, without thinking and dreaming and most probably sleeping over thoughts of warm blankets and hot tea?! how?! this bit i knew i must...face my fears before they had the better of me...even go beg the hostel people to let me live! :(((( the more amusing(now that i think of it) and then depressing thoughts came with what I'd planned of my life. working in this hustling bustling metropolis in Europe(America doesn't appeal :P), living on my own and having this wonderfully good time, what scared me this morning was the fact that I'd not see my beloved sun! when i couldn't spot a yellow stain in the skies at half past ten this morning, how the hell will that happen the closer i move to the north pole? though the sun is bad for my skin, i still love its warmth, it's shine and its sheer presence...and i didn't realise i loved it so till now! the most amusing part of my dilemma was that if it's going to be cold, and hopefully snowing, how will i build up my wardrobe of skirts and frocks? jeans and stockings barely keep me warm enough for Delhi winter, how will i manage on my own in my dreams?! rather depressing and funny..if u see it from my perspective! i can already feel the quintessential horns of dilemma! clatter, clatter, clatter...zzzzz...it's chilly!

रास न आए हमारे...

यह मेरा पहला प्रयास है हिन्दी में लिखने का। जो मुझे जानते हैं वोह यह भी जानते हैं कि हिन्दी मेरी मात्र भाषा होने के बावजूद मुझे हमेशा मात देती आई है। कई लोगों ने मुझे यह चुनौती, ज़िन्दगी के इस सफर मैं, कई बार दी कि मैं बिना अटके बिना रुके कुछ समय के लिए सिर्फ़ हिन्दी मैं बोलूं, और मुझे यह कहते हुए बहुत दुःख होता है, बहुत शर्म आती है, कि मैं इस चुनौती पे खरी नही उतर पायी। कहने को तो मैं हज़ार बहाने मार सकती हूँ, पर सच क्या है, क्यों है, यह तो शायद मैं भी नही जानती। अंग्रेज़ी हमारी ज़िन्दगी कि एक ऐसी लड़ बन चुकी है कि चाहे नचाहे एक न एक शब्द इस कम्बख्त ज़बान पे आ ही जाता है!
दुनिया है कि अपनी दौलत को संभाल के रखती है, हम हैं कि उसे ख़ुद से छोटा समझते हैं। जब भी मैं आगे किसोचती हूँ और बहार जाने का सपना देखती हूँ , तो हसी आती है कि मुझे अंग्रेज़ी का टेस्ट (देखा?) देना होगा...कभीयहाँ रहने के लिए हिन्दी का देना पड़ा तो मेरा क्या होगा? मैंने तो मुंशी प्रेम चाँद कि कहानियां भी अंग्रेज़ी मैं पढ़ीथी। कभी यह भी नही सूजा कि अपने हिंदुस्तान के महाराथिओं के उन चुनिन्दा काव्यों का रस मैंने नही पिया परविदेशी कथाओं पे लट्टू रही। सोच के भी अब बुरा लगता है।

आज मस्ती मैं इस पन्ने को हिन्दी मैं लिखने के चाह उठी
दूर दबे उन ख्यालों कि कश्ती उम्भ्री।
लिखने चली थी कुछ नग्मे प्यार के
दिल से बस एक आह निकली
चाहत थी कि इन लम्हों के संजोके संवारूंगी
आँसू हैं कि बहते हुए काजल की धार बन गई।
सोचने को तो बहुत है
दुनिया विशाल होते हुए भी, चोटी पर गई।
कहना चाहते थे अपने दिल की वोह खामियां
देख आपके अक्ष दिल की बस आस निकली
हस दें आप तो क्या बाहार आएगी
होटों पे हलकी सी जब मुसकुराहट छायेगी।

Control me not...

this post comes for britney spears. I've never liked her music, I've never liked her life but frankly i can never ignore her. she burst onto the music scene a few years back as this teen singer who rolled out hits and empty-headed lyrics with groovy music, she went on to marry her back-up dancer(lucky guy?), gave birth to two kids in quick succession and made a wreck of everything she subsequently touched. she's been labelled a 'threat to herself and others', almost made it to an asylum and been into rehab countless times(at least for me). then y do i write this? a recent article cum interview in the Daily Mail talks of Britney today. Britney who's made a come back, one who's mending her ways, one who's not allowed to see her sons and one who earns enough so people can be paid to keep her in control. that's right. paid to keep her in control.

the article talks of the men who've taken control of a life that paying them. literally. her father, who she was estranged from till recently, a lawyer(don't even ask!) and body-guards who decide what where how she lives. frankly i don't give a damn! but what got me wondering was the way a mother was being kept from her own children. and it's not just her that i see and wonder over...a whole bunch of people kept away from their kin for someones good.

i agree people can be bad influences ,especially with children being so impressionable ,but who decides who's bad? you keep them away hidden from hurt and torture and make them endure the agony of separation and isolation? i understand i cannot be completely right with my conviction of "good or bad, it's family", but can the heartless wretches of social service be doing any good to two people who want to be together by keeping them apart?