jumping into in

today i went shopping. nothing so great anyway, i do that for purely fun reasons and often stress busting, but today i had a reason and behind my quest for that elusive piece of clothing that'll stop me in my tracks, was my personal vendetta to see if i manage to find my size! not a very ego-boosting affair when any and every damn thing is unfit...shoes that don't fit , shirts that look like they'll tear, skirts that are too short, bangles which are too big(exceptions :D) and my tastes which are too expensive and ideas too wild!
i'm rather excited...in a bad way. although i did manage to fit into clothes today at first shot, i was pretty disheartened at the range available. in the tiny trial rooms, where more often than not i manage to hit my hand on the ceiling or the whiny fan, i came to a sudden conclusion: are clothes designed keeping in mind anorexic female who have no curves to speak of? i definitely agree. why else would shirts have the same width on the top as say more towards the waist? even cherubic(don't even dare call me fat) people like me call claim to have some difference in the two! god shopping is so stressing!
this post is utter crap...i just had to vent off my frustration in someway without getting too graphic about female clothing n fitting. i'm just happy i managed to find what i needed after having to pull it over me n often jumpin into it!

the long and the short of it

i saw this female today in a pair of shorts. were i guy, you would be better able to understand my fascination with that item of clothing. but nevertheless i'll try. you see it had been a part of my school uniform n i had to wear it whether or not i was comfortable carrying a a very badly stitched, riding up the legs, cotton blend shorts and not just in school but the also on the walk back home. the latter is what was the worst thing that you can imagine.
it is any mother's nightmare and mine's no exception. a young girl, with a rather developed body(embarrassing), walking down the deserted colony road on hot summer days in something as awful as those particular shorts...don't even remind me! i did have a stray incident or two too, though ma never got to hear of those, i was rather terrified as it is, didn't want ma to curfew the society. i know she's capable of doing it if required.
the solution thankfully came in a few years down the line. we got track pants for winter sports uniform which after much fighting and grumbling and growling i adopted as my all year through
sports uniform. i finally got rid of those god forsaken shorts!
looking back at those shorts i often wonder they couldn't have been so bad afterall. a certain person i know wore it all through 1st year of college. girls, mostly, loved it coz they got to flaunt their well toned legs and well it was conveniently modified to hot-pants length to work to their advantage. i never seemed to like that. call it under confidence in myself thanks to my potato sack figure or repulsion at the idea of being treated like an object by the cassanovas of school, either way i didn't like it.
only time i loved wearing it was when i had to lead my house-Perfection- for the annual sports meet. a matter of pride! not only i was leading my house, i enjoyed the surprise in my classmates eyes when they saw i too had legs!! i think by that time i was out of my gawky teen mode and much more comfortable with my body than previously when i struggled to look at myself in the mirror.
i still crave that 'perfect' figure. i still manage to put a potato to shame, but i don't hide now. i'm happy i've finally accepted me!

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its a wonder i continue to write here. no one reads this...